Monday, 16 October 2017

An Open Letter To The People Who Pile On The Pressure


I’ve only recently noticed just how much pressure I pile on myself on a day to day basis as a result of the constant questions and interrogating from people. Whether it be family, friends or complete strangers.

When are you going to get a mortgage?

When are you going to get married?

When are you going to have children?

These questions come far too often for my liking, and the more I get asked them, the more I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I’m yet to do any of these things.

Hell it’s taken me until almost 31 to restart my driving lessons!

The thing is, apart from a bit more money that I would like to save, I pretty much have the money to get a mortgage tucked away in another account, the marriage thing I definitely hope will happen one day, but if it doesn’t it’s not the end of the world, and I don’t even know if I want kids!

All of these things are pretty stressful life events, and ones that, at this stage in my life, I’m just not sure I’m ready to deal with. It’s only been just under a year since losing my Mum, and I have a hell of a lot more healing to do. Riding the grief I do every day still is hard as it is without adding to that.

In terms of a mortgage, I’m hoping I’ll be ready to take on that task in about a year or so, but right now, I’m happy with my current situation. It’s definitely the highest priority for me out of the three, but first off I’d like to pass my driving test and get my first car.

The one I get asked about most is children. I’m 31 soon, and I suppose a lot of people see it that my body clock is ticking and I’m not getting any younger. This is the question I hate being asked most of all. In fact, I think it’s wrong to ask anybody this. I would never dream of asking a couple this question, because I don’t truly know their circumstances.

What if they can’t have children? What if they've been trying for years to no avail? What if thousands of pounds have been spent on other methods, only for them to fail? I couldn’t bear to think I could cause another person pain by asking that question constantly, and right now, now I’ve entered my 30’s, that question really does feel like it's asked on the regular.

I can’t believe that in 2017, society still frowns at us if we don’t conform to a certain way of living. As if there is something wrong with us if we make different choices, or other areas of our lives take priority, like our careers! OMG I know right?! What are we?! Crazy?!

Maybe I find the constant interrogation difficult because my parents never encouraged me to make them Grandparents. My Dad still does quite the opposite. Although I was planned (6 months in advance!), they had me at a very young age, and as a result of that have always encouraged me to go out and live my life first (Plus at 53 my Dad still thinks he’s too young to be a Grandad!). I love that about them!

So, to everybody and anybody who is constantly asking these same questions over and over, please don’t. Maybe once or twice is fine, but my answer is going to suddenly change every time we see one another. All it does is make me feel like an alien because I might not want the same things out of life as you do.

And for those of you, like me, who priorities in life might be a little different to what society would like them to be, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. No matter if your priorities lay with building a family, building a kick ass career, or living your days out as a nomad and travelling to every corner of the planet, then that’s totally ok! Live your life however the hell you want to.

As people love to say these days, you do you, and I’ll do me.
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2 comments

  1. Hubby and I never had children, it wasn't that we couldn't or didn't want to do it was just something that never happened for us. We were both fine with if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then so be it. From the moment we got married though I was constantly asked about it, and even to this day (at the grand old age of 52) I am still why we didn't have kids.

    BTW I don't drive and we don't have a mortgage - shock horror, we are such non-conformists!! lol xx

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    1. As long as you're happy that's all that matters! x

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